Mothers and Sisters

"To touch another person is to feel the touch of God,"

This quote is imposed over a photo of Mother Theresa clutching a baby, in the House of Peace and Joy where I started working at today. It brought me comfort because I saw it after realizing that despite a college degree and loads of volunteer experience, the most I could do for the people I was working with was to touch them.

I arrived at the house (for the elderly and diabled) run by the Missionaries of Charity at eight in the morning. The first Sister I saw said I should work with the babies, and she led me upstairs to a room full of young girls and boys with all sorts of birth defects. Immediately, one little girl ran to me and jumped into my arms. My heart went out to her because because she is two, about the same age as my niece Josie. Though Josie loves people, I have never seen my niece open up to strangers in the way that this little girl did with me. I do not know if she was hungry
for attention, or if she understands that any new person will be caring, but she clung to me for most of the day.

The nuns began the day with the prayers and they said one in English for my benefit. I was not introduced to the group and there was no sort of training process. Though the workers, nuns and volunteers are friendly, they did not go out of there way to welcome volunteers. Jessica has visited the home several times before, and she told me to expect this because the workers are so focused on the people they help that they can not take time for others. Also, they are used to many volunteers coming in and out. I tried as much as I could to speak Spanish with the other volunteers, but felt frustrated by my inability to communicate. All the nuns know English though (their order was started by Mother Theresa in India and the sisters come from all over) and that made things easier.

After prayers, I was taken into a bathing room and asked to dress and change the babies. I have always been a little comfortable around babies because I am afraid of breaking them somehow. The situation made me regret all the times my sister wanted to show me how to change Josies" diapers and I avoided doing it because I was clueless as to what to do. I felt like I was playing tug-of-war as I tried to pull legs into diapers, and involved in a wrestling match as I put squirming limbs into clothes.

Once everyone was dressed, I went into a playroom filled with babies, toys, and a few workers.I had been given no direction as to what to do and I lacked the Spanish to talk to the workers. However, a few of the kids jumped on me for hugs and while that felt back-breaking, what really hurt was seeing the kids who did not moved and just laid there alone and quiet. I was not sure what to do because if I had been with Josie I would have read her stories or tried to teach her new words. In this case, I could not speak the language and many of the kids will probably never be able to understand any language as it is. I remembered reading how important touch is in humans, so I just went around hugging and holding babies. That was when I saw the photo of Mother Theresa on the wall which said touching humans it to feel the touch of God.

There were many times throughout the day when I felt overwhelmed, uncertain and just uncomfortable. I really wanted to cry out for my mother to come in and take care of everything. In the same way that she has been able to tend to Josie even though she raised her last baby 25 years ago, I know that she would have been able to easily change diapers, coax food into mouths stop kids from biting each other, and come up with games to play.

The longing I felt for my mother though, made me feel for the babies even more, because they are abandoned and orphaned and though they have that same desire for a mom to look after them, it will never be fufilled. As I ambivalent on the possibilty of having children of my own, I always assumed that I do not posess a maternal instinct. However, I realized that I do have one and it is something different than what I thought. Loads of women have raised babies without anyone showing them what to do. As a female, I must have that same inate ability to care for the very young. That thought gave me more confidence throughout the day, and it is something that I need to bear in mind as I work. Though being surrounded by babies is far from the life I was living a year ago, when I was consumed with happy hours and office politics and living in a city that kept children regulated to suburbs, I am coming closer to touching God.