Home/Sick

¨I want to go home, I want to go home, I want to go home,¨I kept repeating to myself after waking up in the middle of last night with chills, nasuea and stomach painss. I had already spent that day in bed due to a bad cold and cramps and I couldn´t tell if the new symptoms were due to that ailment or if something new is upon me.

I laid in bed for about an hour, as it felt too cold to get up, yet I knew I needed to get pills, water and more blankets. I was finally able to stumble out of bed to take care of myself, and once I returned, I alternated between chills and hot flashes for the rest of the night.

I have lived in many places, but no matter where I am, being sick makes me want to go (home) home It makes me want to snuggle up in my childhood bed with Baby-Sitter´s Club books, eat sweets that my dad knows better than to have bought me, and have my mom check in on me every half an hour and kiss my forehead.

Here, I am very far away from all that, and being sick makes me angry because I think that it is just not fair. In addition to all my other problems-living in a house with an unfinished roof where something breaks everyday, frustration with not being able to understand Spanish, my sadness over the situation of the people where who live where I volunteer-why do I have to be sick on top of it?

Being sorry for myself like this makes me feel like a fair-weather missionary. In Texas, when I anticipated facing problems like this, I was all about prayer, God and living up to my calling to help me get through stress. Here, while in a bad state, what I focus on is how much I miss the United States, what medicine to take and boosting the scores I play on my cell phone when I can´t sleep.

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So, I think of the good parts of being sick. Being ill is a way of taking you mind off the rest of your problems, focus only on yourself and wander around in sweats. I kind of enjoy the light-headedness I experience because it makes me feel as if I am in a dreamy alternate reality. Particularly when I amble around with these sorts of things happening around me:

--There is a priest upstairs doing manual labor on our roof. Father Salvador began working on our house himself due to the slow progress that the actual handymen were making. With him at the house, things suddenly get done. It´s funny to me that a person in a position that I associate with shiny robes and gold chalices is upstairs, Jesus-like, doing carpentry, but it´s appreciated.

--Our actual roofer has become a big help on repair work after experiencing a spiritual awakening that resulted from him drukenly falling off our roof two weeks ago. Despite being chastised by Father, two days later he was caught by the police in public with open liqor, on his way to work on our house. The police took him to Father and tried to solicit a bribe from him to prevent the roofer from going to jail, but Father said ¨take him,¨ in hopes the roofer would learn a lesson. After two days behind bars, he made a vow to clean up his act, starting by promising in front of God not to touch alchol for six months, and since then he has appeared to be in much better shape.

--Julio, a parish worker, is at our stove cracking open tamarinds in order to turn them into a juice. Sr. Angelita said that they would be a natural cure for Jackie, who is also sick. While he works, I nibble at the bitter, yet sweet fruit, curious as to its´taste and hoping it will work on me.

--Jessica, the only unafflicted roommate, runs around like an angelic version of Martha Stewart. She searches the market for foods that are supposed to act as medicine, such as cactus and guava. She also helps the men with various home repair tasks such as polishing a silver candle for our chapel and washing the hair on the statue of Jesus.

I think back various other times in my life when I have been sick and away from home and I have had people watching out for me. Tamar, my freshman-year roommate, made a big fuss over the cold I got my first semester and called me her ¨poor little sickie-face.¨ After painful dental work, Sumithrin picked me up and took me out for Greek tapas. When I was under the weather in California, my sister Cathy bought me over a dozen bottles of Vitamin Water, and when I when I was sick in Chinatown, my roommate Dan kept me stocked in egg drop soup.

I was lucky to have those people helping me out in rought times and this experience makes me appreciate them more. I know someday I´ll look back and miss the times Jessica, Jackie and the parish staff were there for me. My grandmother used to quote from the Bible, saying ¨This too shall pass,¨and I realize that I´ll soon recover. I will be stronger for it, and have more patience and compassion for those who only want someone to kiss them on their foreheads.