Yearly Retreat

Once a year the Missionaries of the Incarnate Word gather for a retreat and for those of us in Mexico, this year`s was held in Cuernavaca, a vacation spot outside of Mexico City nicknamed ``The Land of Eternal Spring`` due to its consistently warm weather.

On retreat last year, it was nice to catch up with the women who I had met during orientation. This year would be different as these women had either finished the program or were unable to attend and thus our house would participate with a community who began serving in Monterrey in August. This community comes to Santa Fe and spends the day in our house and parish and from there we leave for Cuenavaca.

Our retreat house in Cuernavaca is a sunny spot run by Sisters of the Incarnate Word on ground that contains fruit trees and a swimming pool. It is a tranquil spot from which to reflect. During one of our first talks, we are invited to think back as to why we originally joined the program, which is of special significance to me as my two-year term of service is coming to an end in five months.

I entered the program at a time when I was fed up with employment struggles and I realized that the jobs had been seeking really were`t that important and I had the desire to grow as a person. As a missionary, the importance of being rather than doing is constantly stressed.

Through my work with the terminally ill, there are a lot of chances to just be as I mostly just offer my presence. This has been valuable for me as I have realized that though I may not have traits to make me succeed in the corporate world, I am able to be present to the needy because because I have the patience and stamina to just sit and off fer myself to them.

However, just being has brought a lot of sadness and loneliness that I hadn`t anticipated before coming. Despite finding myself in in very different and some to,es uncomfortable situations over the last few weeks, my mood has been better. This makes me realize that being around suffering has an affect on my personality as I dwell on the pain of the desolate.

One quote that sticks with me during the retreat is that we we are called to suffer with others but not be sad. This seems contradictory, because how can you wall in the misery of others and still come out a pleasant person? Still, this is ultimately what I want, to be a compassionate person who can face the darker realities of life while still appreciating the beauty of the world

The theme of the retreat is Lent, and important part of this is forgiveness as Jesus came into the world to forgive us and ultimately forgave us for having crucified him. There are people both here and home that I have been harboring grudged against and I want to let them go. And, if Jesus can forgive the world and I can forgive others, I must also forgive myself for times when I have mistreated people or not done enough to ease their pains.

One powerful part of the retreat a reflection on the stains of the cross, when the group shares ways that they have seen Jesus`s final steps lived out in the mission . I think of the times when I have have entered the homes of friends and realized that they are much worse off financially than I thought and realized they are carrying heavy crosses silently. Other missionaries share then pain of women who have lost children or persons ``crucified``as they have terminal diseases.

Additionally, we work on ways to grow and help each other as a community. Though I came into this program knowing that I would live in a community, I saw it has living with roommates. However, I am realizing the importance of sharing experience and offering support to those I live with. Though this program is about loving others, it is easy to to take for granted those who are physically closest to us. To counter this, we learn communication techniques and decide to start sharing a weekly community night during which we will eat together and share a spiritual activity.

Overall, the retreat serves as reminder to let go, to keep loving, and to move forward.

Into the Woods

One Body

Lord cloak me in your love
Allow me to act weightlessly beneath it

Let the divine scent of coffee outside
Not reach my nose during Mass

When the celestial beeps of my alarm call me to prayer
Help me respond with grace

If a burning rash of mosquito bites appears on me
May I acknowledge the greatness of all your creatures

When frustrated with directions on the way to retreat
Remind me of the wise men finding their way to you

If there are times when the cloak comes loose,
and the stresses of scents, nature and hunger are allowed to reach me
Let me not shy away, but recognize it as an opportunity to see God


My poetic side came out this morning on retreat. The setting is beautiful mansion in a wooded area where we can watch deer run or sit reflectively by the lake. Today, Sister Bridget touched on some interesting topics, including a response to our concerns that there our so many problems in the world that we won't be able to help. She said that we have to remember that even Jesus was limited to his place and time, and to a certain amount of energy. Though we can't be everywhere, we can live and love as Jesus did.

She gave us the suggestion to reflect on our deepest desires spiritually (what we long and thirst for) and to put this into some creative form. So, I trudged of to the woods and tried to get lost in thought, but felt really tired....and the insects were biting me....I was kind of hungry....the sun was in my face. Which made me think about all the times when I feel like I should be paying attention to someone or trying to establish a connection with a person or God, but instead I am distracted by my physical needs. I realized, however, that as we're made in the image and likeliness of God, the moments when we are human are also moments when we are Godly. That's what I tried to get across in the above poem.

Sister also noted that all of us seemed tired from a week of classes and reminded us to check in with our needs and take time to relax. In that spirit, I'm off to have a glass of wine with the girls before heading to bed.